"If ye will awake and arouse your faculties even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yeah, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a a portion of my words." - Alma 32:27Awareness.
It's funny how awareness diminishes during stress.
How the world narrows to a dark tunnel when life becomes difficult. I find that I am least aware, that I become less astonished by the goodness of God as my life gets more difficult. Then, when I'm at the bottom and I've looked down as long as I can, then I finally look up. It's as if I've been holding my breath, refusing to take in air, and then finally I give in. When I am least aware, it is is difficult for me to reach out to God, to recognize the blessings in my life, and to feel gratitude and humility. And when I am least aware of myself and my situation, and who I really am in relation to God, then it is easiest to succumb to temptation.
When I am least aware, I am unable to give my children the attention, love, and guidance they need. When I am most aware, I make time for my children, I patiently guide them, and I parent them with love.
When I am acting out, when I am trolling the internet for illicit images, I am unaware of my surroundings, I am choosing to shut myself off from God, and I become fixated on one thing, and that one thing consumes all my other decisions.
Today I am more aware of Christ's power than I have been because I recognize the good in my life when I am worthy of the Holy Ghost. That influence and peace comes from the Savior. I appreciate the promptings of the Holy Ghost when I sit down to my computer. I appreciate that God never leaves me (even if I try to leave him). I appreciate that forgiveness I have felt, the sweet peace of prayer, the kind and patient Bishops who have let me call them or email them when I am feeling weak. I appreciate my wife and my children for loving me inspire of me. I appreciate the job I have, the blessing of an income, a home, a car, a backyard, a child who crawls up on my lap to hug me just because I'm Dad.
Today I am grateful.