Oooh, honesty time here...I have lied in so many ways about my addiction, how can I even start..
- deleting browser histories
- lying to my wife about time spent online
- downplaying the addiction to priesthood leaders
- downplaying the addiction to myself
- I've lied to myself about what type of behavior constitutes "acting out."
- I've lied to myself about the easiness of repenting
- I've lied to myself about my ability to "control" myself
- I've lied to myself and about how acting out effects my decision making, my patience, my charity, my desire to love and serve
When I am preoccupied by sex because of my addiction, I hold my wife to unfair expectations about my sexual needs.
when I lie about my addiction I damage the trust in my relationship with my wife.
When I lie about my addiction I lose the Spirit, lose my priesthood power, loose my authority and credibility with my children.
When I lie about my addiction I feel physically ill, I feel worthless, and i alternate between hating myself and hating everyone around me and hating hte situation that I'm in and the powerlessness that i feel.
Ugliness is a lack of beauty, a lack of the qualities that induce pleasure, peace, goodwill...ugliness is the opposite of godliness, when I lie, I am damaging my soul, I am weakening my faith, and undermining my efforts to recover.
Chaos is a lack of order, a lack of control and structure, a lack of a plan, a lack of a purpose. God works in beauty and order and lying disrupts both...
"For Zion must increase in beauty, and in holiness; her borders must be enlarged; her stakes must be strengthened; yea, verily I say unto you, Zion must arise and put on her beautiful garments." D&C 82:14
Part of the beautiful garments of Zion is honesty--a robe of integrity and truth that can only be worn by those are honest with themselves, others, and God.