Step 3: Trust in God

"Reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not ot the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved" --2 Nephi 10:24

What does it mean to live in harmony with the will of God?

Joseph Smith said that true faith required a knowledge that our actions could please God, that it was possible to know the will of God and do it. That we had to have "actual knowledge that the course of life which [I am] is pursuing is according to his will" (Third Lecture on Faith).  If we don't know God's will, we can't exercise faith by adhering to it.

So the first question is, how do we know God's will?

1. We have the Holy Ghost. God's will for us is to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost to do good in the world (D&C 58:26-27), to fulfill the measure of our creation (interesting that sexuality and procreation are just one part of our purpose on earth, and yet it takes up so much emotional space in the world.  Interesting that the command to multiply and replenish the earth is as much a commandment to be a christlike parent in raising my children as it is a commandment to actually procreate.  We multiply, sure, but we also must replenish the earth).

2. So if the first item of business is to follow the Holy Ghost, then the second item must be to live worthy of the Holy Ghost? And how do we do that?  By being obedient and virtuous (D&C 121:45), by repenting (3 Nephi 27:20), and by serving God and others (Mosiah 5:13). 

So the idea of living in harmony with the will of God is not merely about obedience to stated commandments, to prophetic council, and to scriptural doctrine (though that is the foundation of living in harmony with God's will), but it is about living according to the guidance of the Holy Ghost that comes as a consequence of doing all these things.  When we are obedient to the basic stated standards of discipleship, then and only then can we truly live in harmony with God's will for us.

It's really simple, actually. If I am unworthy of the personal revelation and inspiration from the Holy Ghost, how can I truly live by God's will for me.

That's a motivating and scary thought--that God's will exists for all mankind--there are certain things he wants and expects from humanity in general, from his Church as well--but there are also certain things he expects of me.  God knows me. He knows what I am capable of and he expects to collect.

I had a mission president once tell me, "I've made an investment in you, and I expect to collect."  I think God feels the same way.  He invests in us that we might increase our talents in order to bless others.

How smart then for Satan to bind me ( or attempt to bind me ) with addiction.  If I am caught in the cycle of addiction, I can't follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost, I can't know God's will for me, I can't increase my talents, I can't bless the world according to God's will for me.  I miss out. My family misses out. The people around me miss out.  The effect snowballs.  Satan wins.  Life sucks.

So, what to do then? 

Start with the foundation of obedience.  Seek the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Follow promptings as they come.  

This will become easier.  Certainly his yoke is an easier burden than the yoke of addiction.

Today I will be obedient to God's will.

Deliverence from Bondage

"They were in captivity, and again the Lord di deliver them out of Bondage by the power of his word" - Alma 5:5

Some things I am willing to do today to receive His Word


I open the scripture sporadically at best. Weeks go by in which you might say, I've nailed down the scripture habit, and then something disrupts the schedule and I don't crack the book on my own for weeks at a time.  Not that I don't think about it.  but there is always, it seems, something else in the way.

The irony of all this is that pornography comes so easily.  Or it would.  It's a daily fight to resist the temptation to view pornography.  Can you imagine that kind of compulsion to read the scriptures?

I've thought about this a lot.  Pornography and other serious addictions aside, why is it so easy to keep turning the pages of a good novel or turn on one more episode of that show on Netflix, and yet its so difficult to spend even ten minutes a day in the Word? 

Escapism?

Selfishness?

comfort?

Yeah, I think it has something to do with all of these things.  I enjoy being in another world, focused on someone else' successes and failures so I don't have to worry about my own. TV is fun, entertaining, and distracting. It is easier than facing the work I have to do, the problems that need solving, the character flaws that need addressing.

Scriptures, though, they are instruments of change. They are spiritual weight machines.  A visit to the doctor, the counselor, the financial planner. When I read the scriptures, it forces me to consider my spiritual health, to consider the state of my spiritual bank account.

Just the other day I was planning an FHE lesson on honesty, and found myself feeling like a hypocrite.  Studying the words of prophets and the scriptural stories that underscore the importance of honesty, I could see places in my life where I could be more honest. Where I could face the truth with more integrity.  And that is painful.  Its much easier to turn on the television.

Hmm...

So, the Word...what am I willing to do to receive His word in my heart?  For starters, I'm willing to face the reality of my life as I read the scriptures. I am willing to act on the promptings of the Holy Ghost as they come to me. I am willing to take advantage of the resourcess out there.

I am willing to listen to a conference talk on my way home from work.
I am willing to read the Ensign magazine each month.
I am willing to pray over my studies, and ask for help and guidance and strength.
I am willing  to listen to promptings and act on them.

I am willing.

Really, that's all I've got, my will.   And this is perhaps why it is so hard.  My addiction has sapped some of my will.  and I am fighting to get it back (and also FRIGHTENED to get it back. When I acknowledge that my decisions come down to an exercise of my will (even in the face of addiction) then I must take responsibility for my actions.

In general conference this past weekend, Russell M. Nelson spoke on Self Mastery.

A pivotal spiritual attribute is that of self-mastery—the strength to place reason over appetite. Self-mastery builds a strong conscience. And your conscience determines your moral responses in difficult, tempting, and trying situations. 

 Self-mastery is a "pivotal spiritual attribute," meaning that other spiritual attributes and abilities turn on our relative self-mastery.  This is really a profound statement.  Our ability to live and work and serve in the Kingdom (in our homes, in our callings, in our communities) is directly related to our own level of self-mastery.  God really does want our wills, and nothing else.

Elder Nelson goes on to say:

Why the need for self-mastery? God implanted strong appetites within us for nourishment and love, vital for the human family to be perpetuated. When we master our appetites within the bounds of God’s laws, we can enjoy longer life, greater love, and consummate joy.

Self-mastery and human appetite are intrinsically linked--whether that be appetites for food, sex, wealth, praise, or whatever, and those appetites are an essential part of our growth as human beings (and I'd say, based on D&C 93:33-34 that learning to master these appetites is an essential part of our eternal progression as well).

So I might measure my own progression by measuring my own self-mastery...

...and I might measure my own self-mastery by looking critically at my willingness to turn my WILL over to God...

....and my willingness to turn my WILL over to God is directly related to my willingness to TRUST the Savior and follow his example, relying on his atonement to overcome my weaknesses...

and I gain trust, respect, and faith in the Savior by reading his Word and applying it in my life.

If this is true, then receiving His WORD is really the first step in the long process of self-mastery.

Divine Strength for Recovery

How can the gift of divine strength enable you to
maintain continuous recovery?

Psalms 59:17  Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing:
 for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy. 

The Psalmist sings that God is his defence... in what way though?  When I need defending, in what way does God accomplish that for me? It would seem thait has something to do with the power that comes from:

1) divine grace-this is the power given to us by God through the Goodness and mercy of God.  This is the addedd power and strength that comes from the atonement, it is a gift from God and it is his way of empathizing with our mortal situation.  This is not predicated on our obedience or on our worthineess, but comes straight from God's love, compassion, and charity.  And it is this reason that charity is long suffering...because God is long suffering...God continues to give us his Grace even in the face of our struggles to be obedient.

2) obedience to God's commandments.  In addition to strengthening us through is grace, god strengthens us by granting us a portion of his Spirit according to our obedience to His commandments.  God cannot grant us more of his Spirit without our obedience. 

D&C 121:47: Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

So, this is perhaps what it means when Nephi says we are saved by Grace after all that we can do.  Not that Grace makes up for our gap between Earth and Heaven, but that after all we can do, it is by grace that we are saved.  Nothing we can do on our own will ultimately save us. That will come by the Grace of God.  It is a divine gift.  But to be exalted, to receive all the father has, to be strengthened by the Lord so that our confidence waxes strong, we must be obedient to God's commandments.  Our job is not to save ourselves, but to follow the Savior and be what he would have us become, and leave the saving to him. When follow the savior, he blesses us with more of his Spirit, which makes it easier to follow him more.

So if divine strength is going to help me through continuous recovery I must

1) rely on divine grace. Pray for it, look for it, and acknowledge it when I see it.

2) seek the strengthening power of the Holy Ghost.  Live obediently, act on promptings, stand in holy places.

Will do!

-AC

The Savior’s compassion

“Straightway the father of the child cried out, and said
with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief”
(Mark 9:24).

It's been a rough 24 hours.  I haven't acted out, but I did follow a link to a new article about pornography that led me to some censored photos related to the story.  It was the pornography addiction equivalent of walking into the liquor store and running my fingers over the bottles without actually buying anything to take home.

And when I do that, when I let Satan keep his hook in me, when I try to keep even one toe in that world, the Spirit withdraws and it makes it very difficult to love my wife, to patiently parent my children, and to focus on my work.  This was a little misstep, a hiccup that could have been much worse, but it is also a reminder that I am still addicted, that it only takes one moment of weakness combined with the right series of stressers for me to relapse, and I am not ever going to do that.

I used to wonder, before I started this program, when I would relapse. It was almost an inevitable thing for me--i wondered how long I would be sober, except that I didn't use that language because I didn't think of my problem as an addiction.  I thought about it terms of will power. How long can I hold out this time?  And inevitably I would screw up and feel absolutely miserable.

Now I don't think in terms of relapse, but in terms of these little moments.  I have decided never to view pornography again. I will not view pornography again.  I have also accepted the fact that I temptation is part of life, that my triggers will be my triggers and that I will have to face that temptation in a variety of forms  forever.  I have accepted that some days will be harder, that some days I will go down paths that will leave me feeling the way I am feeling right now, but I am also determined to keep my eyes wide open, to to recognize when I am going down those paths and step back. I am determined to take the steps necessary to allow the atonement to work in my life. And I will feel better soon. For now I am grateful for the sensitivity of the Spirit that doesn't allow me to rationalize away anything.

And mostly, I am grateful for the Lord's compassion and patience with me.  This whole time he has stood beside me, waited for me to make the decision to seek his help, to work through my addiction with fear and trembling before him.  I know I cannot do it alone Lord, and I am grateful that there is always a second chance, that no matter how late the hour, that I can come to him and find rest.

-AC

The Lord’s delight

“Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that
deal truly are his delight” (Proverbs 12:22).

Honesty is an essential part of discipleship because it is an essential part of Godliness. Honesty is an essential part of Godliness because God must be completely trustworthy (not that its in his nature to be anything other than such. Its a simple fact that if God were not trustworthy, he would cease to be God.  Certainly God is not in any danger of losing his status as God--Honesty is who He is.  And its who He wants us to become.

Think about this...what if God did not keep his promises?  What if we could not trust him. What if there was no law "irrevocably decreed in ^bheaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all ^cblessings are predicated" that when "we obtain any ^ablessing from God, it is by ^bobedience to that law upon which it is predicated."  God is just because God is honest and true, and if God somehow failed to be honest, he would fail to be just, and if he failed to be just:

• Alma 42:13

  13 Therefore, according to justice, the plan of redemption could not be brought about, only on conditions of repentance of men in this probationary state, yea, this preparatory state; for except it were for these conditions, mercy could not take effect except it should destroy the work of justice. Now the work of justice could not be destroyed; if so, God would cease to be God.
   
  

And if my responsibility is to be like Him, to magnify Him, and to serve in His name, then it is as much my responsibility to be honest...How can my kids trust me if i am not honest and true? How can my wife trust me if I am not honest and true? How can those I serve, those I call to repentance, those I challenge to make changes in their life--how can they trust me if I am not honest?

So the first step to any movement towards God is to be honest with myself and with those around me, and with God.

Here's to being honest.

-AC

Infinite Worth vs. Mortal Nothingness

"Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing i never had supposed" --Moses 1:10

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God" --D&C 18:10

How can we be both infinitely valuable to God, but at the same time be nothing?  What did Moses mean when he said the had never supposed that man was nothing?  Certainly it has something to do with the false notion put forth by Korihor that:

"every man fared in this life according to the management of the creature; therefore every man prospered according to his genius, and that every man conquered according to his strength; and whatsoever a man did was no crime." (Alma 30:17)

At first ring, this line from Korihor sounds right.  We have our agency, we have been put on this earth to use that agency to grow and "manage the creature" inside of us, but the problem with Korihor's philosophy is that it removes God from the picture. We prosper according to our own genius, but where did we get that genius from? We owe everything to God, and are only one small nano-particle in the vast expanse of his creation.

On the other hand, we are created in His image, and we are the crowning of His creations. and his entire work and glory is to

"bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."  

So, on the one hand we are nothing without God, we owe everything to him and would be lost with out him, but on the other hand we are the object of his greatest affection, and his greatest project.  That is encouraging.

I am weak, I struggle, and I fail, but when I rely upon the Lord and trust him, I know that I have an unconquerable force in my corner.

That is really encouraging.